No Heaven, No Hell. Listen for me on the rails.

No Heaven, No Hell

When I die I will not go to either place. Stop shaking your head and wondering why there is a picture of a book about eight years of a disc jockey's life here and what it has to do with any of this, read on; in the 62 years I have been on this planet I haven't found any reason to believe there are such places for me to wonder about after this life ends.When I die I am pretty sure that I will not be found in some deep, dark hole sitting on a pile of hot rocks with my feet soaking in a steady stream of lava wondering how I screwed up and went in the wrong direction; nor do I believe that a meadow in the sky awaits, where I will spend eternity with a smile on my face, loving everyone around me as I learn all the secrets of the universe and spend my time having meaningful discussions with all of my loved ones who got there before me. 

But again, for the sake of argument I believe such places don't exist for me, I hope one or the other does for everyone else. Just don't look for me wherever you end up! No one has ever been able to mutter even one paragraph that has made me believe that they may know something that I think I don't on this subject. "I think I don't know" would be the definitive answer were I to ask another person if there really is a Heaven or Hell, but so far no one has come clean, not even those wealthy television evangelists who sit in the laps of luxury looking into the TV cameras and imply they know all of the answers or where to find them. I don't believe them anymore than I believe the well dressed people who have come to my door through the years with a book in one hand and a fistful of literature in the other who claim to have witnessed something they are hoping I will. I hope I am wrong for the sake of those I love and those I despise. 

For the best of them I hope their journey to the great beyond is a smooth and pleasant one and that they find what they hope is there and for anyone I ever said "go to Hell" to I hope they descend quickly and that when they get there they are surrounded by others exactly like them. I am inclined to believe more in a place like Purgatory for me than I am Heaven or Hell and that if there is anything after the heart stops beating, the eyes close and everything becomes dark and quiet we may all see one another again. So here it is; I don't think I am leaving when I die. Purgatory probably isn't there for me either. In my latest book I described myself as someone surely destined to lock horns one day with the Devil; if you believe there really is one.

Some might say that I was not a well behaved young man during that time in my life while others may agree with with me, that I was probably more like everyone else if we were all really honest about ourselves than many are willing to be. The difference may only be that I am not as protective of my weaknesses or misgivings that some are of theirs.

As a writer I am compelled to let as much hang out as I think is necessary to tell good stories that a reader may want to stay with long enough to see how it all ends. Pretty words and catch-phrases has never been my stock and trade because that isn't how I have lived and the bulk of my work is about that. This book certainly is; it describes where I was when I was a very young guy with an attitude that was both toxic and unforgiving, yet I don't think I was a bad guy and I don't think I was much different than most people around me. If I were to allow myself to believe my behavior then was any kind of yardstick to measure my destiny beyond this life I would have a whole lot of confessing and apologizing to do and I rarely do either. 

If I believed as my Catholic family does; that I could make an appointment with a priest and receive his forgiveness for my sins than I would spend most of what's left of this life having a conversation with him and I would never get out of the confessional on my own power. I am sure there are some who would say, "well, if that's what it takes."

No thanks; "On a Country Road" is not a book about bad behavior as much as it is a book about being honest about who I am and surviving some tough choices that I made early in my life. The irony in how it relates to what I have said in this blog post is that it is also about how a very fine Catholic family helped me discover who I was then. With the help of some pretty good people it was during that time in my life when I really discovered the importance of just being who we really are and accepting it. I came out of high school with not much going for me than a view of what everyone else was doing. I wasn't headed for college and within a year after I was finished with academics I also knew that the road ahead was not paved nor was it a straight shot to wherever I was headed, it would be rocky at best, with a lot of bumps and curves because I was an unmarried teenager with a crummy job and a pregnant girlfriend. 

For a number of years I wondered if I was on the right one, if maybe I took a wrong turn somewhere and was traveling down one to nowhere in particular. But I did find my road; one that was lined with rusted automobiles and broken down houses at times, as well as with people that loved me and some who hated my guts. But that road was not a dead end; instead it was one that stretched for miles and miles and I never looked for a way off of it. I believed that if I followed it and was willing to believe I could just stay on it then it would take me somewhere better than anyplace I had ever been before. I think I got there, but at what cost, and if I had to do it again would I have looked for an easier path? 

No.

Today I think of my life as one traveling a different kind of road that will take me somewhere else, maybe even a better one than I have ever been before; this time it is an imaginary one made of iron rails straddling railroad ties. I am headed somewhere in the direction of a train horn that you hear off in the distance.  When you hear it you have no idea where it is going, only that the sound it leaves behind is brief and then gone. I may never get off of this one. My journey now allows me to relax more than I ever did before and my time is mostly mine and I have much to reflect on. I share the stories of where I have been and where I think I am headed with anyone who is either curious or for whatever their reasons might care to compare themselves with me. Not that I solicit such comparisons but I do welcome any. 

I stopped working for other people a long time ago and now I work for me. My profit margin has shrunk a little since then but through my writing and my work with internet radio broadcasting I am still the guy I said I was nearly forty years ago. Within the pages of this book you may discover that was my plan all along! Go to this link to find out.

On A Country Road (A DJ Life)