Seriously? We have come to this? I wonder how many others are sickened by some of the commercials we have to indulge as if television programming itself isn't bad enough. I probably spend less than four hours a week watching TV but still I cannot escape the reminders that we are a pretty sick society. In my latest book "On a Country Road" I shared a story about not being allowed to air radio commercials that were offensive during the dinner hour when I worked for WMNI in Columbus, Ohio. Our boss, William R. Mnich called me one afternoon to tell me he was having dinner and that I spoiled it by allowing a commercial for a jock-itch product to be heard at that hour. Although I didn't run the commercial it was my responsibility for not substituting it with another one when the network news inserted it into their broadcast.
There was a programming log that listed all of the commercials that would run each hour and anything deemed (by him) as offensive would be highlighted to warn us DJ's to block them during certain times of the day.
Back to an erection that might last more than four hours; what a vulgar thing to have to imagine, regardless of the time of day or night. It is for me. Like mini-soap operas the commercials for products that help men overcome erectile dysfunction are played out my middle age men who almost always are in the company of a younger, more attractive woman, both with the same thing in mind; they just want to get laid and the commercial is showing us how they can pull it off but it runs the disclaimer that his erection and maybe yours too will last for four hours. Maybe some viewers hear that and think, "oh my, that sounds interesting" but not me. Instead an image has now been planted in my head that I don't want there; perhaps his gal, probably tired and weary, nudging him to call his doctor while he looks for excuses not to. "honey, lets not waste this, let's make a marathon out of this and just keep going!"
I try not to see in my mind's eye this guy standing there staring into a mirror and wondering why after all that energy he just exhausted wasn't enough to relax his entire naked body. If that were me I am sure no one would want to see it either but one might if I talked about it enough and played the right song. Because that is precisely what commercials are designed to do.
I guess where I am going with this can be best stated by saying that I never want to have the thought of other men's penis problems, or advantages in my head. But it is hard not to when the commercial begins with some rugged looking guy doing rugged things like forging steel or pulling a calf out of the mud or a pick-up truck with his teeth while an instrumental version of a hard-rock song from the 1960s plays in the background. Then a chick, who if she is his age has really aged well beyond belief shows up at the end looking hot and acting amorous and I am thinking, "he needs a pill to help him with that?"
I cannot feel sorry for that guy and as much as I don't want to imagine old horny men finding a solution to their penis problems I am just as disappointed when I see commercials for feminine hygiene products. A pretty, well built young woman climbing a rope or performing gymnastic stunts while the announcer says "this is not the time for embarrassing moments." Then the demonstration of blue water being soaked into a feminine hygiene pad being compared to one that isn't as absorbent. I also don't want the image of senior citizens who have no control over their bladder or their bowels and now need to wear adult diapers. I am not making light of these very serious issues but I wonder if it is really necessary to produce so many commercials for so many available products. Of everything I have written about here I would like to believe that we are smart enough to know where to look for them without having one maker after another tell us how much more superior their product is than everyone elses.
I am pretty sure the doctors we see can make suggestions to help anyone decide how best to deal with these issues and I would hope that we don't really need a flood of commercials to help us make up our minds. When I have a headache I know what will relieve it and I stick with what I know works best. (I found it on my own on a shelf in a drug store several years ago.) If I ever suffer from erectile dysfunction I have a pretty good idea by now of what I should discuss with my doctor if it ever becomes a problem. If my body changes in any way I will probably take it up with him instead of consulting my television set. These are topics I also wrote about in a few other books; "A Best Seller-Diary Of an Angry Old Man" and "62".
We can all expect what we see other people suffering through or just needing every day as we grow older and when the issues arise we should bite the bullet and pay the docs what they say it will cost for their wisdom because eventually we won't have any choice anyway. I don't think I would want to know anyone who is my age or close to it that wouldn't know what to do of they were suffering from diarrhea, constipation, bladder problems or excessive bleeding or muscle aches. The short solution is to call your doctor if it is something new or if what you were using no longer works. But the makers of these products are capitalists who know that whatever they have to spend to produce and air commercials will come back to them in the form of huge profits so they inundate us with reminders and suggestions on how best to exist with what we know we have to or will some day.
I think I would have the upper hand in any argument that I would know where to go or where to look for any product that might resolve my body malfunctions and breakdowns. Because if I didn't believe that than I have become a person that none of these products could help anyway. And if I do become that person than just take away my television altogether, I won't need it for anything. I'll just lay there and conjure up some memories of a time when all that was needed in the medicine cabinet to fix me were bottles of cough syrup, mercurochrome, aspirin and a box of Band-Aids, and when TV commercials were more about those products than what happens below the belt-line. Today nothing is taboo, not even pointing out where we have come as a society that not only discusses everything in public, but one that also is expected to be okay with it all.
I began this blog in another post by saying I don't believe Heaven nor Hell will be my final destination and I didn't just write those thoughts, I believe it. I have tasted equal amounts of both during my tenure on Earth. I do believe in God but I also wonder why he allows us to end our lives the way we all will. In the end it won't be pretty regardless of how we live or what we believe. I don't ask him for a reservation next to him someday, although that would be nice if he has that in mind for me; all I can ask for at this point is to not leave me in any place where I am surrounded by people who are so broken down physically or mentally that they need either reminders of how fragile the body really is or ways that might help fix them, or someone to make the decisions for us.
Watch for my next blog post because I may have a change of heart by then and discuss the state of my penis or how well my bladder is doing these days. Maybe I will reveal what is now needed in my medicine cabinet to get me through my days! Sound interesting?
Relax, I was only kidding.
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Rickery Dickery Books
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