I Am The Real Santa Claus

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     After years of leaving them wondering I guess it is about time for me to come clean; but for more than four decades I really had them going! That first Christmas with my son when I became a rookie dad back in 1971 was pretty easy to fool him because he was just 4 days shy of being three months old. I don't recall what he received from the old man that year but I am sure it was as inexpensive as it was special. Probably more so for me than him but what matters here is it was the beginning of a legacy I have rarely spoken of until now. 

    Another dozen years would pass and more kids would arrive until I had a gaggle of them by 1983 and it wasn't long after that I decided to talk to my doctor about a procedure that would halt my reproduction capability because quite frankly, those kids were becoming more and more expensive day-by-day and when Christmas rolled around each year I struggled to stay out of the poor house! He suggested the equivalent of what women call having their tubes tied. It sounded like the right thing to do so I consented to have mine tied!

    Thank God the procedure worked because over the decades that would follow I never again had an oops, not again moment. I will turn 65 midway through the next summer and to this day I remain firm that I don't want to ever have another one and I have made it clear to my wife that if she wants to have more kids the best old Santa can do for her is get her a boy-toy for Christmas. So far she hasn't gotten back to me on that and it is probably best for us both that she hasn't.

    But back to the kids we do have; when they were very young I would put on an outfit every year that I knew they would instantly recognize as their very favorite person when Christmas was near and they fell for it the first few years. Nevertheless, as they got older I could tell they suspected it was really me behind that beard but still they went along with the charade. (Perhaps just to humor me.) 

    Eventually I would hear it from all of them that they always believed it was me in the red suit but until now I never came close to admitting it, because for whatever the reason, we parents want our kids to believe in Santa Claus for as long as possible. It is why I put on the suit; to reinforce that belief that contrary to what others might tell them someday Santa is a real guy and they saw him in their home, they spoke to him and gave him a list of Christmas wishes and he usually came through. 

    I don't know if they ever really knew the truth because like I said, I am pretty sure I had them going well into their adult lives, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if they told their own children of those Christmases long ago when they would see the real Santa Claus and how mysterious it was that he knew so much about them when he showed up to prove he was real.

    An old man once told me that we eventually reach an age when clearing our conscience of deep secrets can be like a heavy load we can finally set down; "leave us feeling cleansed and liberated"  he promised. That was several years ago and now I am the age that old man was when he said it. The kids were right all along, but if I was right all of this time that I had them fooled until now it doesn't mean my kids are slow; it only means they resisted letting go of memories that were as fond for them as they are priceless to me.